I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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