I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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