I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
