Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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