I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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