the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
