capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
