Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
