I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
