we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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