No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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