She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
