your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my life...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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