I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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