For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
