its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
