We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
