Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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