I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
