Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
