he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
