Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
