I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
