Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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