when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she looked like the before picture.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
