we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
