When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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