In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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