we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
