Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
