Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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