ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
