my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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