Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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