I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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