Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
