what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he thought i was a dude.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
