well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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