My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
