fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
