This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
