So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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