vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
