Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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