a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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