She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
