My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
