I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in