you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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