Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.