Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while