so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
