im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
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Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy