I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter