I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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