This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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