so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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