she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
is this the sara with the beer cane?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
