I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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