Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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