I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
