I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
