yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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