fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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