I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
