I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
