I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
