3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
