I think i peed on brittanys purse
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
