I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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