Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
