if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
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He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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