Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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