when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize