this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
