Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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