What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
