I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Can I color on your dick again?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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