took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
