If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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