Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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